Tag Archives: Talking to God

and when its really over..

you just wanna scream and asked what you did wrong, even tho the answer is right there, right in front of you.

very random

read and just realised its meaning:

” Live every moment,  laugh every day, and love beyond words”.

So how much do i have to pay?

don’t you just hate it when it’s time to open your wallet and shove that card or cash to the cashier?and what i hate more is when you pay using credit card, you feel bad twice. the second one of course would be by the time you get the bill.

I’m paying now. the bill has come and now is the time for me to pay. daaaaaannggg. no, im not talking about money. even tho, yes, my electric and gas bills are overdue. again. 😦 whose idea was that for me to live alone?im not ready for this taking care of a household thing.
so despite the euphoria, placebo effect of 2 days of drinking binge, everything is asking for its toll. and oh my, what a huge bill.
I’m losing my voice, now i sound even sexier than ever with a sore husky voice. I totally feel like shyt, for constant feel of puking the whole day. and coming back to an empty room doesnt help. man i’m as lonely as a dowager in the forbidden city. without the pretty clothes and the maids. and jay chou.

no, no jay chou in 지산2동.

so here i am left alone with the residue of my sunday breakfast (a can of bud) and dinner (tender chicken from  BK).  ah~the awesomeness of life. and yes, budweiser was one of the very first things got into my stomach today. shoot me.

it was not until the halloween party was  over last night, that i realised i had a stranger’s bank card in my hand.

this guy was wasted, and craving for pancakes, he produced the card from his crotch beneath his black tights (nono dont ask, it was halloween. ) and dropped it on the ground, and of course continued being tipsy wasted. a good-natured person that i am, i took the card (touching it as less as possible, dear gawd, it was on his crotch!), and never intended to ever come near his crotch to put the card back, i slipped it into the plastic wrap of my cig pack (i lost several cards this way, but i never learn.), and then totally forgot about it. I was thinking to give it back after a while, but nooo. the card wanted to be mine, i think that was the message it was trying to tell me.

so long story short, i realised i still had the card way too late. next thing in the morning, i searched this person on facebook, found someone under the right name from the right city, and tossed my two cent that this would be the right person.  and so off i went downtown on a holy mission, giving back someone’s hard-earned money that he lost due to his halfwitness getting drunk on a halloween night.  oh my sunday.  and thats how i got budweiser as my breakfast. i only had two tiny mandus at home before i left, and this guy offered me a beer under the bright october afternoon sky. why not, eh? and being a cheapskate, this dimwit bought me a can of bud from mini stop and we drank sitting on the pavement outside the store and talked about nonsense.  oh yeah chowdy. thats how we roll in south jeolla province.  (damn i hope he wont find this page by accident) met eddie and javier and his girl while sitting there btw.

so yeah went back home felt even sicker than before. facing the computer again, email:  nothing good. facebook : as boring as it can be. dailysquee and failbook: nothing new. bbc: still burns my brain. and holy crap!

thesis.

I’m hating my computer, there’s nothing good it brings cept for false hope and stress. huh. i restrained myself from throwing it onto the wall and crush it optimus prime would definetely do because…well..because it would be expensive to pay all the damage. and im broke, darlings. i really am. oh how this life has drained me inside out. someone send me a dog, please. saw a black labrador pup walking down the downtown street too. oh~~adorable!!

and here some snaps of gwangju downtown on a sunday afternoon. didn’t get the puppy shoot.

Feels like..

hanging on by thin thread, a rotten thin thread. I think it’s a disease. I think i’m having a hanging-on-by-rotten-thin-thread disease.

maybe actually it’s not that thin, or not even rotten. maybe it’s not even a thread. maybe its a thick steel cable, with good insulator, made in germany.  maybe from BASF. But the tingles, they are telling me, it IS a thin thread. too thin to hold anything weigh more than a casual chat with a stranger in a bar, too rotten to put up with more than a few hours of that chat. definitely not suitable for a bungee jumping.

i dont think there is any cure to this. and that, my dear-almostnonexistent readers, creeps the hell outta me. part of me wants to cut the thread off, just let myself free. gonna be a tough fall when i hit the bottom of the pit but it’s freedom after that. with some fractures here and there. oh man maybe i wont even survive the impact. but it’s better than suffocate yourself hanging in the middle of nowhere with this dreaded thin thread around your body, right?

Or i could wait until the thread is broken by itself, and in the meantime, i just enjoy the scenery from up there? but tell me how would you enjoy floating by a thread, knowing the thread could break at anytime?leaving you free falling, with the same fractures and injury, plus a heart attack.

How i hope it is in fact a steel cable, or rafia, at least. it hurts but it’s an asshole to be broken barehanded.

or if i have to fall, please dear God, make it a quick one.

or you know what, God, just give me some chill pills.  Thank you.